Regardless of age, people tend to become anxious when a situation, issue, or circumstance seems beyond their control. In simple terms it sort of goes like this: “I don’t know what to do about this, it’s upsetting me, and I’m very uncomfortable and confused and can’t envision a positive outcome.”
Anxiety issues are quite solvable, but some affected people simply don’t work at them enough, and don’t regularly practice tried and proven mitigating strategies regularly enough to wire them into their brain, such that they are able to respond to the anxiety appropriately when it emerges. And for some, worry is just something to do, whereby issues that concern them merely become talking points to discuss and ruminate on. They have no intention of changing anything, and it just becomes a cyclical process that operates like a merry-go-round – each time around just changing “worry horses.” And if they were to stop this process, they’d eventually get unlucky and something unwanted would occur. Maintaining anxiety then serves as a way to ward off something bad from happening, but because anxiety is actually a counterintuitive problem, keeping the worry alive which fuels the anxiety only makes matter worse.
The hallmark of chronic anxiety is that people remain continuously fearful when they’re not in any objective danger in the moment. They get tricked into believing they have to think and respond in ways to fend off this danger, when it’s only discomfort they’re going through. Then by continuing to battle with the anxiety by fighting with it or fleeing from it, they wind up feeling worse rather than better. The answer is to work with the anxiety and worry, not oppose them.
Catch Worry Red-handed
A typical worry thought has two parts that go like this: What if…[catastrophe]?
What goes in the brackets? Anything that isn’t happening NOW. What if…I lose my job? What if…I have a terminal disease? What if…I don’t survive the plane flight I’m about to take? The what-if clause is an invitation to think of something bad that isn’t actually happening right now – but makes the person feel worse. This amounts to pretending something bad, so it’s a lot better to just catch what-if thoughts in the act. Here’s how you can do that:
Purchase a container of breath mints and begin carrying them with you everywhere you go. Every time you catch yourself thinking or saying ”what-if,” open the box and remove a mint. Then you can either consume it or just throw it away. (Consuming it is probably better; you’re getting something for your money)!
The ultimate goal of this exercise is to keep the box of mints as full as possible. This would mean you’re recognizing the what-if statement as no more than a symptom of anxiety – not an ACTUAL threat. This is a very effective disarming tactic, but for those needing more help, it’s important to explore add-on ways of defusing the anxiety-ridden thought. Such as…
Make A Little Poem Out Of The Worry Content
I’m going to board this jet,
Even though I’ll get upset,
I’ll board with a roar,
Winding up on the floor,
But everyone will know I’m not a bore!
The purpose of this little poem is to air out a worrisome thought about flying by separating from it a bit, and accepting it in a playful way.
In an episode of Seinfeld, George was having a run of very bad luck. He decided that everything he was doing must therefore be wrong, so if he just did the opposite, things would turn out right. They did!
The same is true of anxiety and worry – the more you fight or run, the more they seem to grow and envelop you. So don’t flee, stay with it, because it will run its course; and don’t fight, because it gets bigger and stronger the deeper it digs its hooks into you. The more you notice the anxiety you’re feeling isn’t related to any real danger, the easier it will become to just dismiss it. And because it feeds off seriousness, if you decide to humor it or even laugh at it, away it goes – in search of a more willing subject.
Attribution Statement:
Joe Wegmann is a licensed pharmacist & clinical social worker has presented psychopharmacology seminars to over 10,000 healthcare professionals in 46 states, and maintains an active psychotherapy practice specializing in the treatment of depression and anxiety. He is the author of Psychopharmacology: Straight Talk on Mental Health Medications, published by PESI, Inc.
To learn more about Joe’s programs, visit the Programs section of this website or contribute a question for Joe to answer in a future article: joe@thepharmatherapist.com.