I remember the details pretty well. Three years ago I was traveling home from a seminar I had conducted in San Francisco. I struck up a conversation with the guy sitting next to me – a conversation that went on for the entire 4-hour flight back to New Orleans. We discussed growing up as kids and laughed a lot. It was face-to-face communication at its best.
Two weeks ago on another business-related flight, as I was in the last group to board, I scanned the main cabin and concluded that about 80 percent of the passengers were already locked into some sort of electronic device, while the other 20 percent were reading an actual book or already sleeping. And headphones were everywhere – certainly, on the person sitting next to me – a clear sign that striking up a conversation was not to be.
This is not an indictment of digital technology, and the vast majority of these passengers were adults, free to make their own choices as to how they wish to spend their time while flying. But this but one of many manifestations signifying the extent to which technology is now embedded into our lives. And even more importantly, our children’s lives – which is what I’m really concerned about. Here’s the scoop:
Cyberspace has become a full-time job
Seventy-five percent of 7th-12th graders have created a profile on a social media site, while sixty-two percent of kids assert that they lie to their parents about what they view on the web. Fifty percent of kids have a video game system in their bedroom and youth 8-18 years of age spend 1-3 hours per day listening to music. The average teen spends a whopping 63 hours per week immersed in some form of electronic media.
Technology and the Brain
Credible studies via UCLA, Stanford and Harvard Medical now describe in detail how excessive screen time is rewiring kids’ brains – particularly older children – to display inattentiveness, lack of focus, and disorganization; and these newly rewired brains are literally growing new branches to meet the demands of cyberspace- with its tweets, texts, posts and “likes” leaving little to no room for classroom lectures. Thus potentially thousands of teens are being misdiagnosed with ADHD – a disorder they don’t have – and are being prescribed powerful stimulants to treat it. Referrals for Anxiety spectrum issues are on the rise as well.
Gaming
Many chronic “gamers” discover all new virtual worlds where they become more outgoing by slaying a dragon, completing missions and leading armies to battle victories. Shy, timid kids become miraculously unreserved and more aggressive. Playing creates an enormous sense of accomplishment fueled by dopamine hit after dopamine hit coming at lightning speed – although there is nothing at all real about the game. Non-stop gaming influences susceptible adolescents to refuse to go to school while their parents often cower in fear for what their adolescent will do if they were to remove the game from the teen’s possession. But parents need to know this: Gaming is an addiction and remaining afraid of unplugging it out of fear their adolescent will go berserk is a risk absolutely worth taking. Yes, things may get worse at first, but tantrums don’t last forever.
Social media and self-esteem
As posts, selfies and tweets on popular social media sites start out as minor jokes about a fellow friend or student’s weight or looks, through post after post, they then become magnified and take on the appearance of shaming. Adolescent life is a LOT different than it was years and decades ago. Unrelenting exposure to everyone else’s “perfect life” becomes threatening and disconcerting, fueling insecurity and feelings of rejection. Parents should be monitoring this kind of social media activity and discussing it with their child or teen. And here’s what they should reinforce: The word “self” is the crucial part of self-esteem; it’s NOT “others” esteem, in that feeling good about oneself has nothing to do with how we’re perceived by others. “Likes” and a slew of friends and followers are not a measuring stick for self-worth and often go away as quick as they came.
Reconnecting Disconnected Kids: 5 Recommendations
Keep the child’s room free of screens. No electronic devices in the bedroom, period. None. Homework? Set up a table in a corner of the family room and have him do it there if he’s not responsible enough to do it in his room. You are in charge, no matter how much grief you get.- Your child’s phone is your phone. The phone is to be handed over at an appointed time at night. No sleeping with the phone, because there will be no sleeping. Same for computers.
- Breakfast and dinnertime are to be sacrosanct. Have breakfast and dinner as a family as often as reasonably possible. No electronics at these times, parents included.
- Homework first then screen time. Screen time should increase with age and demonstration of responsibility.
- Role modeling. As a parent, model what you’re asking of the children. Parents need to be present also.
Our most prized possession is the gift of being able to think and be present in the real world. When children are operating in the REAL world and not a virtual one, they will attract meaningful and loyal friends by building relationships face-to-face and be perceived as leaders and not merely followers.
The quality of their lives is only as strong as how they perceive themselves.
Attribution Statement:
Joe Wegmann is a licensed pharmacist & clinical social worker has presented psychopharmacology seminars to over 10,000 healthcare professionals in 46 states, and maintains an active psychotherapy practice specializing in the treatment of depression and anxiety. He is the author of Psychopharmacology: Straight Talk on Mental Health Medications, published by PESI, Inc.
To learn more about Joe’s programs, visit the Programs section of this website or contribute a question for Joe to answer in a future article: joe@thepharmatherapist.com.