In the first week of November, a woman called my office to make an appointment. There was nothing extraordinary about the call, we set a day and a time and that was that. She showed up for the appointment on time and we began the process of getting acquainted. After helping her get comfortable in the office environment, a couple of ice breakers and some rapport building, I asked what brought her to seek my services. She described her presenting problem clearly, succinctly and without hesitation. I knew immediately that the issue was well within my skill set and area of expertise and I stated that assertively.
She responded as follows: “You came very highly recommended but I don’t believe I’d work well with a male therapist.” Instead of replying with “I’m sorry to hear that” or “may I refer you to one of my very competent women colleagues,” I offered this: “You’d be surprised at how many of my best female clients began our work together with the same comment.”
Reframing is all about providing access to the view you want to create. It’s about directing the client, patient, customer, student, friend or anyone with whom you’re interacting to where you want them to look. And it’s not manipulative if you confidently believe that this alternative view you’re serving up is truly in their best interest.
To be influential, you’ve got to have a point of view – before anything else ensues. But you also have to know how to take an issue that is presented to you in a certain frame of reference and change it into one that you believe is more conducive to achieving the best possible outcome.
As for the woman I discussed above, she agreed to a second appointment, then a third and now a fourth.
So much for her comment that she wouldn’t work well with a male therapist… I suppose.
