On an episode of Seinfeld, George Costanza, well known for his numerous relationship break ups, laid claim to the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me.”
It’s equally true though that “it’s not me, it’s you” may also apply.
What happens when you’re unable to engage with a potential new client, successfully service a customer or work with a coach or partner? One inclination is to project the failure to communicate or get along onto the other person, and that it’s up to them to change or move on. The other instinct is to turn the issue onto yourself, proclaiming that you’re just not pushing the right buttons, and it’s therefore up to you to find the right formula to bring about harmony.
Either of these is a possibility; the problem lies in taking it too far in one direction.
Blame too many people too often and you become a pariah to be avoided; blame yourself too much and you become a spineless accommodator, pandering to all for the sake of being liked or accepted.
Just like colors that don’t match up so well in a clothing ensemble or furniture that doesn’t fit well together in a home, so it goes with relationships.
Mismatches are certain to happen. The key lies in recognizing that your personal style, ways of doing things, overall view of the world and how it works and “you just being you” has but a finite range of appeal.
OK with that?
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