Many years ago before I started on my national speaking tours, I asked one of my mentors, a very seasoned presenter himself, if he might have any words of advice for me. He did. I expected to hear something about how to best engage the audience and capture their attention, but instead, he said: thank_people“Joe, these cities and hotels where you’ll be speaking, do you expect that you will be coming back to these places?” “Yes I do,” I said, these areas attract quite a number of attendees.” “Well then, be sure to thank everyone involved with your seminar from the top of the chain on down, they’ll feel better, you’ll feel better, and believe me, these acknowledgments will pay off for you.” I returned to some of these venues 5 or 6 times, and the perks made available to me were easily identifiable.

This ranks as one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received — make others an object of interest and expect nothing in return.

Offer to refer someone to your doctor, dentist or accountant without any quid pro quo whatsoever. Say to people whose work you are acquainted with and whom you may, (or may not) know very well, “I’ve heard this about you, and it’s a compliment,” “someone told me they’ve read your work and that it’s terrific,” “many of my colleagues tell me they’ve learned so much from you.” They’ll still be beaming from ear to ear after you walk away. Last week a fellow who lives in my building and whom I know only casually pulled up in a new car. I told him it’s a beauty, to which he replied, “Joe, would you like to drive it?” “Sure,” I said, and off we went. This was a gesture on his part I will not soon forget.

Unrequited love can leave any of us feeling pretty lousy, but unrequited niceness and acknowledgment — that’s about as uplifting as it gets.