Matching Up
On an episode of Seinfeld, George Costanza, well known for his numerous relationship break ups, laid claim to the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me.” It’s equally true though that “it’s not me, it’s you” may also apply. […]
There’s Always A Choice
Think about it, when we say we have no choice, what we’re really saying is there’s no good choice, no safe option that makes it easy for us to decide. Sometimes we’re confronted with having to choose between presenting evils or difficulties – an unenviable position to be in indeed, because it breeds feelings of powerlessness and a sensation of perceiving ourselves as trapped. How to proceed? Examine the possibilities before you and ask: “Of these lousy choices before me, [...]
Rejected, Or Just Unchosen?
A couple of weeks ago I took on a client who has recently been downsized from his job. Since this happened, he has sent out resume after resume and has been called by a number of companies to come in for interviews. No offers yet. In our most recent session, it was obvious that he had been spending quite a bit of time reading between the lines as to why he hasn’t landed a job yet. […]
Eschew Resolutions; Embrace Accountability
On January 4, the Today Show lead off with various and sundry self-improvement strategies -- all which could be accomplished within 30 days. I typically greet such recommendations with chuckles and a sort of bemused skepticism, as if we need a starting gate to launch us onto the path of self-improvement. We don't. The people I observe who are improving the most and the fastest are those who don't apply arbitrary time frames to their improvement, that is, they don't [...]
Blame and Inertia
After a recent speaking engagement on the east coast, I was routed to fly home through Atlanta, eventually on to New Orleans. When arriving in Atlanta, the departure screen for my flight indicated a delay — which is not at all unusual, of course. When I arrived at the departure gate, “delay” turned to “cancelled” because of a mechanical failure. This happens. […]
Unrequited Acknowledgment
Many years ago before I started on my national speaking tours, I asked one of my mentors, a very seasoned presenter himself, if he might have any words of advice for me. He did. I expected to hear something about how to best engage the audience and capture their attention, but instead, he said: […]
The Absence of Action Can Be a Blessing
Lots of people tell me how busy they are, and I get details, many details, without even asking. They’re seeing client after client, day after day, making phone calls, attending meetings, scurrying from place to place — almost as if they’re paid to constantly be in action. […]
Vulnerability
I meet people all the time who seem to be stewing about issues in their lives. They’ll reel off a series of complaints or worries about this and that, seemingly lost in a sea of words that are going nowhere — certainly not in a solution-focused direction. I’ll ask them “are you seeking any guidance or getting any help with this”? Most often the response is “oh no, that wouldn’t help, and people would think I’m weak or unable to [...]
Some People Don’t Want To Be Helped
There are essentially two types of help that we're able to offer people -- unsolicited and solicited. Offering unsolicited help often falls on deaf ears because, by definition, it was unwanted in the first place; thus it's often eschewed by those receiving it. And it only benefits those offering the help -- some of whom are bent on insinuating themselves into the lives of others. Then there's solicited help. That is, help people ask you for -- whether it be [...]
In 2015, I Resolve to Improve Myself…Or Maybe Not
Resolutions which are set to begin in the month of January are popular because people just love the idea of starting anew with something by wiping the slate clean, so to speak. Here's why most of them fail: First, there are usually NO consequences whatsoever for not doing right by what is going to be different. Second, resolutions are often made during a typically joyous time of year when it's easy to idealize the future, thereby relegating these promises to [...]